Those adolescent moments we'd take back if we could
The sentencing of two West Chester teenagers for their role in the pipe-bomb explosion that killed their friends, Daniel Ferraro, set off a discussion here about dumb-headed adolescent stunts.
Most of us have at least one that could have turned out tragically. It's sobering to realize how close most of us have come to a split-second stupid decision that could have changed our lives forever.
When I was 15, my brother offered to let me drive his car. I had absolutely no experience but plenty of daring. We drove to a country road, I hopped into the driver's seat, stomped on the gas pedal and flipped the car in a deep ditch. As we hung there, suspended upside down, I looked over at my brother who was so shocked he was unresponsive. I was sure he was dead.
In that second I felt the overwhelming remorse every other foolhardy kid must feel --please, let this not be real. Please let this not be happening to me. Please let me go back just five minutes and do this over.
I was given grace; my brother was fine.
I hope there is some kind of grace for the three boys who were part of the explosion that took Daniel Ferraro's life. Grace doesn't mean we don't pay penalties for our thoughtless youthful actions. It means we make amends as best we can, learn our lesson -- with whatever degree of pain we must -- and then find a way to forgive ourselves and get on with living.
posted by Krista Ramsey at 2:13 PM
3 Comments:
at 3:12 PM, April 23, 2008 
Anonymous said...
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at 8:30 PM, April 23, 2008 
Anonymous said...
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at 9:59 AM, April 24, 2008 
Jack Stem said...
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Post a Comment*Thanks Krista for sharing your "adolescent moment." We all have them. I have included those types of incidents in what I have called "accidental criminals" for some time now.
Can you imagine how different your life would have been if 1) you were an inner city black kid or 2) the result been different? Many, many kids - most disadvantaged - have been caught in the quagmire of a society who is vindictive and bitter and chose to view these "adolescent moments" as some evil inate personal characteristic that demands harsh response from society.
All of us have those momements. A select few are prosecuted and persecuted for a lapse in judgment that ruins their lives in a call from the strict law and order fragment of the population.
Thanks for sharing - I think it would be really cool to ask the elite of our community to answer the same question - what's your worse "adolescent moment" (and we'll by pass the risky sexual behavior as a gimme for most of us)
I just want to know why the enquirer is hiding the identities of these boys who have been convicted of a crime. What happened to the publics right to know?
Yep, we all do it. That's part of being an adolescent. And much of this behavior can be traced to the way the brain is designed, matures, and learns. The "pleasure center" of the brain (the GO center) is designed to reward activities that promote propogation of the species (sex, eating,) and things that "feel good", and is wired to go at birth. The "STOP" (impulse control) center of the brain must grow and be "trained" over time. That means there MUST be consequences from actions that are potentially harmful in order for the brain to physically learn. When consequences are eliminated from potentially harmful or negative actions, the brain is prevented from PHYSICALLY learning from the activity. Most people think learning is a purely "intellectual" process, when in reality, most of our learning is physical (subconscious if you will), i.e., the activity of the neurochemical transmitters in the brain that occur when positive or negative consequences occur from a given action. Look at an 18 month old and a hot metal object. Tell them it's hot and it will burn you all you want. They don't learn from telling them alone. When they touch it, THEN they learn what hot means. That 18 month old didn't sit there thinking, "Hmmm. Hot. My mother keeps saying that and it must mean something important. But I must find out what this word hot means." Nope. They touched it, got burned, and the brain learned. The intellectual part will come years later.
When consequences of poor choices DON'T happen, either because a parent prevented them or the child was under the inlfuence of a mood altering chemical, learning is delayed or prevented. Unfortunately, the older we get, the more severe (and sometimes fatal) the consequences. This is why it is the wise parent who allows negative consequences from a child's poor choices to happen from the beginning (unless the consequences would produce a forseeable fatality). This generally (not always) produces a child who learns to make better choices.
As parents we want to protect our children from pain and suffering. As wise parents, we know pain and suffering are necessary for the maturation of our children.
Unknown:
"Wisdom comes from experience. And experience comes from failures."
Robert Heinlein:
"But goodness alone is never enough. A hard cold wisdom is required, too, for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom invariably accomplishes evil."
Jack Stem
apecs.jackstem.com
jack@jackstem.com
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