Caregiving -- from a distance

Because I've been involved in the care of my mother and my very ill sister, I often read studies and articles about caregivers. More than 44 million Americans have some hand in the care of an ill or aging relative or friend, and it is a difficult life.

Caregivers are likely to have suppressed immune systems, depression and chronic disease. Of the 60 percent who also work outside the home, 9 percent will leave the workforce and an additional 10 percent will cut back from full-time to part-time hours. A MetLife Mature Market Institute study of couples who juggled childcare and elder care showed 10 percent of the men missed 12 days of work per year; 18 percent of the women missed 33 days.

Like many of you, I suspect, I live hours away from my ill family members and find the distance a huge complication. I feel guilty when I don't go "home" often; I feel guilty when I give up weekends with my husband and children to try to make a tiny dent in the needs of my mother and sister. Mostly, I just never feel I do enough, give enough, fix enough.

Any of you struggling with the same issues? How do you balance the competing demands of extended family, immediate family, work and the needs of everyday life? Does your workplace accommodate your needs to juggle it all? Any advice to families who have not yet experienced the situation?